JAMZ SO GNARLY

Hercules in the Haunted World

1961
Directed by: Mario Bava
Starring: Hercules

If you like it when Hercules throws huge rocks around then this is for you, because he does that. The resurrected dead nightgown creeps he fights at the end are insane man. They are running all over the place and jumping on the Hercules like crazy, not all slow and stupid like most resurrected dead nightgown creeps are. The stone monster in the basement cave or whatever has a robot vocoder voice, which was a nice touch, and when he comes out from behind the wall you better not have beer in your mouth or you are going to spit it out all over the place in sheer amazement.

The Brotherhood of Satan 1971

The Brotherhood of Satan, 1971
Directed by Bernard McEveety
(which also happens to be a really cool sounding name)
Starring: old people who worship satan and a nice family in a station wagon


I'm kind of tired right now. I wish I got a coffee at lunch, but I didn't. Oh well. This Brotherhood of Satan movie we have here is astonishingly amazing though. There's all these great shots where there is very little music or action happening and just ridiculously superb camera angles and lens and shots and things. You know, ambience, like say it in a french like accent. ambience. yeah that's real nice. The bad guys and gals totally win in the end too. So go to hell you stupid do-gooders. HAIL SATANUS!

Simon: King of the Witches

Simon: King of the Witches - 1971
Directed by Bruce Kessler
Starring Simon

Simon calls himself a magician, but you may call him a warlock, male-witch or wizard if you like. He practices the arts of white magic, and his work comes with a fee... sometimes more than just money. This is really one of the best 70s witch movies out there, let me tell you. He has lots of great tapestries and blankets and what not when he gets his basement apartment. He does a great job with the atmosphere in there so that holding ceremonies and what not can be taken more seriously by the spirits, gods, energies and inter-dimensional beings. One of the best things about this film is that the ending is kind of creepy and ambiguous, not all wrapped up pretty with a bow on top. I need to start carrying a magic dagger in my spellpouch I think, it really seemed to come in handy for Simon.

Goodbye Gemini

Goodbye Gemini - 1970
Directed by Alan Gibson
Starring Jacki and Julian
the weird ass twins


This movie ruled pretty hard. Totally killer soundtrack that opens with a heavy psych jam over footage of the twins riding the bus. Pretty rad. I like those long intros with a good tune playing, let's you get into the mood and find a good spot to put down the remote and grab your beer. You know, get comfy without missing anything. I should say that if you are a homophobic who really likes all the 3d remakes happening right now then go click around on some other page. This is for open minded types who know what "character development" means. I love movies like this man, a whole lot of vibe and very little plot. Great sideburns, great outfits, great cars, swinging London greatness, color bursting out at you everywhere, bear skin blankets, fuzzed out guitars, whiskey, weed, what else do you need?

The Children (1980) - REVIEW

This movie rules. there is 12 year old kids getting blasted with shotguns and hacked up by ninja swords. there is a lincoln continental limo. the sheriff shoots everything in his path without talking about it first like they usually do in these movies. all the kids have deadly nuclear hugging abilities. the make-up on the fried out dead people is really awesome and gross. the music is all analog synth wonderfullness with a little homage to psycho here and there. if you dont like this movie you are probably a retard, im like 99.9% sure of it actually. did i mention the deadly nuclear hugging abilities? because that happens.

Killer Bats

AKA - The Devil Bat
1940
Starring - Bela motherfucking Lugosi

"A mad scientist develops an aftershave lotion that causes his gigantic bats to kill anyone who wears it."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHaaa. Did you just read that? I mean c'mon. How amazing is that? I mean really.